I'm a Quitter and Proud Of It
Drinking, Smoking, Crazy Girls, and Intensive Outpatient Therapy
Llah Hael,
I'm writing to thank you for your expertise and pedagogy since I started IOP at Parkview; I have learned a good deal.
I have enjoyed meeting the other members of the group and wish them all well and thank them for their good spirit and compassion throughout their remaining classes.
I am aware that IOP lasts 6 weeks and I have only completed 2 weeks, but upon reflection, I feel I have garnered enough wisdom and education for my purposes and that I must discontinue.
In speaking with a few important figures in my life, I have found that IOP is a dual-edged sword for my nervous system, mood management, and it is absolutely destroying my energy reserves due to compassion fatigue - something that never has been addressed as we all sit there and listen to each other's (sometimes) trauma-ridden stories.
In an effort to practice self-care, I am stepping away from IOP so that I can better focus on my own healing as opposed to being drained by everyone's situations around me; or by spending my time cutting out snippets of pop-culture magazines of celebrities who seem to be living the perfect little life. Trigger warning!
I already use many great mental health resources such as Dr. Amen's "Total Brain Fitness" and "Therapistaid.com" which resemble many of the handouts and worksheets you utilize and I also have two brilliant therapists of my own who require my energy, and when I'm left with nothing after 9 hours of IOP each week; I can't get what's required from them.
IOP, as related to the Spoons Theory, is diminishing my spoons by far too much, and the payoff just isn't there. Having a neurological disorder on top of all of this makes matters much worse.
For what it's worth, as far as accruing positive friendships through the IOP network - as you suggested -; I do not agree that this is a good idea. In my experience, I was happily surprised when a group member asked for my phone number but then said "I don't usually respond to texts though, I don't use email, and I don't answer the phone." Yes, this is just one person; but perhaps it's fair to say that everyone in IOP is living a life where they just can't handle one more thing and should not be presented as dependable, responsible, or reliable people (at this moment in time.) Yes, everyone has the potential to be, but that's not the matter at hand.
My example shows a well-meaning group member reaching out, but also shows her incapability of understanding how her non-actions have an equal and opposite reaction as relating to relationships. I did not pursue this relationship out of wisdom, and because I have learned how to set boundaries.
It can be ascertained that while all of us are beautiful individuals, there's a reason we're in IOP and it's not to make friends. Yes, feeling a sense of belonging is crucial to connection, which most of us in this class are desperate for. We're so tired of feeling alone. But, wouldn't be better to be taught how to be alone and be happy?
It is no doubt that we learn many skills from you, but no one in the class, especially me, will master the skills that are most foreign or new to them until far after the class has ended, - and that's only if repetitive work is done in a disciplined fashion out of our own free will.
While your mention of "aftercare" is a nice idea, in theory, it accomplishes essentially nothing. Half an hour is enough time to catch your breath, go to the cafeteria, say "I'm still angry" and leave. Been there, done that. Made no sense to me.
In summary, thank you for your time, but I no longer find this to be a healthy environment for me or a good use of my time based on the values and priorities that I learned from doing exercises with you!
I wish you the best and thank you again for inviting me with open arms into your therapeutic environment. Group teaching can be a nightmare and for what it's worth, I think you do it incredibly well. This is just not for me.
With all due respect,
Reggie Berg